Reclaiming Personal Power: Healing from Toxic Relationships with Radical Responsibility

The episode focuses on transforming the blame and victim mentality surrounding toxic relationships into a pathway of healing and empowerment.

I emphasize the importance of taking radical responsibility for one's healing, introducing my new Unbonded program designed to help listeners break free from past connections and enhance their emotional well-being.

• Discussing the cycle of blame after toxic relationships
• Introducing the Unbonded program for emotional release
• Understanding the importance of nervous system regulation
• Highlighting the necessity of taking radical responsibility
• Exploring the impact of unconscious & conscious rituals
• Providing insight into the law of reflections and personal growth

If you're ready to stop focusing on him and start focusing on you, if you're ready to get him out of your energy, your mind, your emotions, and you're ready to show yourself, your kids, what true healing looks like, then Unbonded is honestly like a no-brainer.

Other resources mentioned: 

NEW OFFERING: The Ex Detox Concierge - White Glove Healing Services

Get ALL mini-programs & masterclasses for as long as you're inside my membership Unveiled (includes monthly 1:1 mini intuitive reads, as well). 

Signature program: Clean BDE

Chapters

• 0:05 Breaking Free From Blaming Your Ex
• 9:05 Taking Radical Responsibility for Healing
• 17:37 Healing From Toxic Relationships
• 27:53 Empowering Support and Guidance for Growth

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome to Unveiled, the podcast. I'm your host, angela Christian, and I help you with unveiling your true self by peeling away the layers that society placed on you. I do this with a combination of neuroscience, energetics and ancient spiritual wisdom. I went from underpaid and overworked in corporate America to launching a six-figure company that continues to grow. I went from toxic relationships to being happy and single for over a year as I worked and continue to work on becoming the best version of myself, and so much more. My greatest passion is to help women and mothers heal, transform and become the highest versions of themselves. Heal, transform and become the highest versions of themselves. As I continue to grow and expand my intuitive knowledge and unique wisdom, I'll be including you on my journey to millions, so let's get into it. Hello, welcome back to Unveiled.

Speaker 1: 1:02

This week, we're going to talk about how to go from blame of our past to freedom, how to finally be done with your ex. So, as some of you know if you follow me on Instagram, I'm launching a program called Unbonded. Essentially, it's a little piece of what I do, right? So my signature offer, clean BDE, is all about helping mothers clear the toxic energy with their exes all of that which I've had such amazing, beautiful results. Unbonded is taking a piece of it and dialing it in right, so I'll talk a little bit about what that means. However unbonded you can get right now for $111. It will be delivered instantly to your inbox on February 14th. After that, the price will go up, okay, so today I am calling out a pattern that I have been seeing everywhere, one that I was also stuck in myself for over a decade, if not longer, and this is the cycle of blaming, labeling, shaming and diagnosing our exes right, especially as narcissists. I see a lot of coaches who you know help women by encouraging them to label them as a narcissist, and I get it. First of all, I get it. I was definitely put through hell more than once by an ex, but I'm going to explain at the end how you can shift that Okay.

Speaker 1: 2:33

So I see women that come out of toxic relationships in three different phases. The first phase is survival right, the survivor. She literally left a toxic relationship, which is huge, and she literally is just like in survival mode, still Right, and then usually pretty quickly after that, she moves into like the victim era is what I call it where that's where you see a lot of the blaming, labeling, diagnosing, all of that really focusing on him. Then what I do is my clients come to me towards the end of that victim era, victimhood era I don't even like to say victim or victimhood, because, yes, you could have been very much a victim of abuse, just like I was trying to think of a different word to use there. No, so then women come to me, typically at the end of their you know, they're like okay, I've been blaming, I've been diagnosing for months, years, like I'm just sick of it, it's not working. I've been going to therapy, I've been doing tapping, I did this, I sage like all of these things, and I just want to be done with his energy, with thinking about him, all of that. Right, even if they don't want to be with him, his name could trigger them. Like a lot of people come to me and that's the first thing they say is like even that my ex's name will trigger me, or seeing his number pop up on my phone and I get it, I've totally been there, I've had that. Um, that's why it's like I really understand. And then I've come out on the other side of it, so like I'm telling you, I've had three baby daddies, two of them very abusive. One of them went through custody hell with. So I've been there, I've done just about everything you could imagine and I've come out the other side of it. So now that's what I do for women, that's what I do for mothers, right, it's definitely one of my purposes here in this lifetime. So maybe you are still dealing with the aftermath of a toxic relationship, whether it's co-parenting, whether it's a court battle or just the emotional weight of what happened.

Speaker 1: 4:41

Right, like, I just helped a new client. She was going to go face her ex in court. She was very nervous about it. She found me and we only had like 10 days together and I actually created this offer for her that I haven't even announced to anybody yet, but it's called the X detox and it's like a white glove service where I do an intuitive read for you to tell you where you're stuck. I intuit about 10 audios that will help you shift and then we have a couple of check-ins to make sure you're on track and all of that. So I will link it in the show notes If you're interested in that. It's basically like kind of a condensed version of clean BDE with intuitive guidance and a little bit more one-on-one, like in clean BDE. You will get check-ins with me, but I don't do like an intuitive read for you, for, you know, included in the service.

Speaker 1: 5:35

So anyway, getting back to this, I helped her successfully go stand in court and be there confidently when this man had beat her so badly. He had been in prison for beating her, so she was able to show up. She was so in her power that after court he was calling her, apologizing, asking to take her to dinner, all of these things. Her mom actually reached out to me and now I'm working with her mom. So I love that. I love healing generational lions. It's like my love language.

Speaker 1: 6:05

So, um, but I'm going to tell you something. You've probably if you follow me on Instagram. But I'm going to tell you something. You've probably if you follow me on Instagram, you might have seen me say this already, but constantly You've got a life to live, you have kids to raise, you have a future to create. You don't want to waste another second of your energy on someone who's no longer in your life, right? So today I'm going to talk about how we actually get him out of your energy fully and completely.

Speaker 1: 6:48

A lot of us have moved on physically, but emotionally, mentally and energetically, we can still be entangled. Right the second I stopped focusing on my exes and started focusing on me and shifting my energy, my emotions. Everything changed and that's why I am, like, so obsessed with this work that I do for moms and women. So and I want to be very clear, this isn't about excusing his behavior, and I'm speaking as someone who has survived horrific physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, everything right. So I know what it's like to be in survival mode. I know what it's like to sit in that blame era for years, sit in that blame era for years. I was there for over a decade thinking that if I just analyzed him enough his childhood, his patterns, if I just figured out exactly what kind of narcissist he was, why he did it, then I could finally heal. But that never happened, because blame doesn't set you free, it just keeps you stuck.

Speaker 1: 7:51

Every time you say he's a narcissist, he ruined my life, he manipulated me, you are still focusing on him, you are still giving him the power and you are still energetically tied to him. And that means if you are still in this energy, you're still emotionally triggered. Guess what You're going to attract the same dynamics in a different relationship, so let's not make it about him anymore. Okay, so here's how we create our own reality, and this can be a little triggering, I know. When I first heard it I get it. Okay, so we are all living in our own Truman show. I've said that many times. If you're new here, maybe you haven't heard me say that, but every single one of us is walking around with an energetic field which is called our creator field, electromagnetic. This field is made up of our thoughts, our beliefs, our programming and our actions. Whether we realize it or not and most people don't realize this we are literally handing out scripts for people to play in our lives, just like on the Truman Show. Okay, so our exes. They literally auditioned and signed up for the role to play the villain.

Speaker 1: 9:05

Now, on a human level, I know that sucks right, but on a higher soul level, they're actually here to help us grow, and I know that's a very hard pill to swallow, but when I finally saw that my experiences weren't just happening to me, they were happening for me, everything shifted. So, as an example, I was always hard on myself as a child. I never felt like I was enough. I would beat up on myself all the time Don't eat, that You're not working out enough. Look at you, like, look at that person, always beating myself up. And guess what? I kept attracting men who mirrored that exact energy. Men who emotionally, verbally and even physically beat me down because I didn't change the script, I hadn't rewritten the role that I was casting men in, and it's not just men, it's anybody that comes into contact with you.

Speaker 1: 10:04

So the second I decided to take radical responsibility for my life. Everything started opening up and it's not easy. Like my friend and I, we joke that it's like almost a full-time job to continuously check in and be like as soon as we catch ourselves saying like, oh, they did this to me. Or oh, my God, can you believe this person did this? Like we're like wait, where are we doing that to ourselves.

Speaker 1: 10:30

Because it always comes back to either one this is called the law of reflections, which I might've talked a little about before. I definitely talk about it in my programs but either one if you're like more in the beginning stages, it's likely something that you're doing to someone else. So, for example, I still catch myself doing this, but my mom sometimes will talk to me about things that I just don't really care about or I don't want to talk about, like very low frequency things, and I'll just like dismiss her or kind of be rude to her. And this was like when I first started learning about the law of reflections, and then someone that I actually really look up to. She was short with me, she was dismissive to me. I immediately, though, connected the dots, and I was like oh, and it's not karma. Karma is actually not real. It's a different conversation, or it will show up as the way you're treating yourself, other people will treat you, and so this comes down to the eight areas of life which I've talked about before. They're in my programs.

Speaker 1: 11:33

If you are neglecting an area thinking like this is what I did I'll just throw myself under the bus for you guys. I was like I'm too busy to work out, I just need to get my business, like, up and running. I need to do this. I'm a single mom, I'm running two companies, and by neglecting my physical, the area in my physical life, the area I cared about most my business, or finances, or family, like my kids I would have obstacle after obstacle in that area, because that's how the universe tries to get your attention, Like, hey, you're out of balance. So it's really important I talked about this last month in my membership, like how to balance each area of life, starting with just one every day and then slowly getting to all eight areas every day being balanced, because when you're balanced in all eight areas of life or close, the reflections won't be as painful, so they'll never go away, but they they can get less painful, but they're actually really helpful, even though they're not fun.

Speaker 1: 12:37

Okay, so, getting back to this, the moment you take radical responsibility for your healing, the game changes. You stop focusing on him, you stop repeating the same patterns, you take your on him, you stop repeating the same patterns, you take your power back. And this is the best thing you can do, not just for yourself but for your kids, right, because they're watching and they're learning how to handle emotions, relationships and challenges by watching you. So do you want to teach them that when something goes wrong, we just blame other people, we label them, we hold on to resentment? That's going to create a lot, of, a lot more negativity in the world, right? Or do you want to teach them that we heal, we grow and we become stronger than ever. So this is about you Now, it's not about him, it's not about the past, and it's time to clear him out of your energy for good.

Speaker 1: 13:27

And that's another thing I talk about in unbonded. In unbonded, what that looks like is first I get you out of fight or flight. So there's two audios I think it's two or three audios just nervous system regulation. Then I do some unconscious reprogramming to update your unconscious mind that you're no longer in the war zone with him anymore. Those two pieces I do for you. Then the final piece is the energetics. And because this is an instant access program, it doesn't include any of my coaching. That would be separate.

Speaker 1: 14:03

What I will do is I'm going to teach you how to energetically, and this isn't just like a. I've done so many energetic cord cutting things before and none of them ever worked. So this is a very advanced energetic cord cutting ceremony that we will do to get his energy out of you. Then I'm going to give you an energy protection to keep him out. Or, if he does cord back in, you'll be able to, like, disconnect him again Right, disconnect him again right. Because I really want you to understand that once you start shifting things in your life, everybody else will get a new script to act in a different way, right, a way that you'll enjoy more. So there are a lot of ways to do that and I will teach a little bit of that in unbonded.

Speaker 1: 14:50

Now, if you're familiar with my work, I have four pillars. I have nervous system regulation, I have unconscious reprogramming, I have emotional mastery and I have energetics unbonded because it's a like a taste test of clean BDE. It doesn't have the emotional mastery piece in it that would be in Unbothered. That's my emotional mastery program, which you can buy separately or it's. All of these are always in my membership. So if you want everything, just come into my membership and you get an intuitive read every month. The price will definitely be going up for my membership soon because it does have that one-on-one component and I do have more people in there now. However, whatever you lock in your rate at, that's what you will stay at. So I have some people who join in the very beginning at like $39 a month and they will never be bumped up, so they'll always be at that lower rate.

Speaker 1: 15:49

So I want to be clear. I'm not knocking any coaches who tell you to like label him and like here's how you know if he's a narcissist. Here are the red flags. There's very much a time and a space for that, because I do think it's almost a necessary stepping stone to get to your creator era, because there's a pendulum that swings right and pretty soon, if you're on one side of that pendulum where you're just in so much anger, so much resentment, so much blame, you're going to get sick of it and you're going to want to swing to the other end, which is like radical responsibility, right, and then it's like game over, so you can literally control anything.

Speaker 1: 16:29

So a couple more things I'll touch on before I wrap up. Here is so something that you won't find in any other relationship program or I would be very shocked is what I'll be doing in unbonded is explaining to you how we sometimes put unconscious rituals on other people. They put them on us, and how to disconnect and clear those rituals Because, for example, I know one of my exes has a lot of negative feelings towards me. When you have negative thoughts going towards someone, for you know, three months, six months, a year, that does affect that person. It's called an unconscious ritual. It's the person my ex doesn't know that he's doing that, but it will affect your life if you don't know how to recognize the symptoms of a ritual and then clear it. There are also intentional rituals which I have to clear. Quite often those are different, but that would be like it could. The ones I clear are not from like exes, they're more from people who know what I'm doing, trying to stop me.

Speaker 1: 17:37

Just think of this there are as many psychic shops as there are Starbucks. You could go into any town and see all these psychic shops on the corners, behind the curtains. That's where intentional rituals, conscious rituals, take place. That's where intentional rituals, conscious rituals, take place. So someone goes in there and gets like a $5 psychic read Like I've had an ex who always used to go to these places and he would get a read.

Speaker 1: 18:03

If they are, you know, let's say they're even a gifted psychic. Gifted meaning they can tap into information, but might not be trained. Or they might be, they might be trained in dark arts, which which a lot of psychics are. So then if they see that you're hurt, they could say, oh well, I have this ritual. Like do you? Uh, they might not call it a ritual, but I have this energy work I could do that would make her fall back in love with you. Or or just give me, show me a picture of her, that's all they need A picture of you, a piece of your hair, which would be super creepy if your ex went in there with a piece of your hair Some kind of way to tap into your energy and then he might think it's just like some kind of crazy voodoo. But voodoo is actually real. So she could do it in several ways like she could.

Speaker 1: 18:58

There's a way where you can use magnets and make two people be so attracted to each other like they don't even know what's happening but they like have to be together. Then there's one that's like repels people, where, if you're trying, if you're like I just, I know I'm meant to be with this person and they're with this person, and the psychic will say, oh well, I could do this for you. I could make him leave her and be with you, right? So you do not want to be messing with rituals of any kind. They will harm you. It will also harm you if you have rituals on you and you don't know how to clear them. So that is a big piece of what I'm doing in Unbonded.

Speaker 1: 19:38

And a part of all of this is if you're in a coaching group, let's say, or you're in a group where it's like a bunch of women and there's a coach and you guys are all complaining about your exes and the coach is encouraging you, do you think you're creating negative energy? Or do you think you're creating negative energy or do you think you're creating positive energy? Right, let's look at a group of people who are praying and sending healing and light to someone. Like that group would be very powerfully creating positive right. Just like you can create. Prayer is very powerful, just like how powerful it is to get together and pray for someone. You can do damage by being in a group and just sitting in that negativity and like. That is not good for you and it is not good for your creator field.

Speaker 1: 20:25

You're going to keep calling in more, more narcissists. Right, when you uplevel your energy and you get rid of these unconscious programs running in the background that are also making you a match for it, then you won't even be like on the same energetic frequency as these narcissists. And let me back up for a second and remind everyone that by simply calling someone a narcissist, they're not necessarily a narcissist to everybody. By simply calling someone a narcissist, they're not necessarily a narcissist to everybody, and this can even be where most people see them as a kind, giving person. However, in your life, in your energy, they're filling that role of narcissist for you, to help you learn and level up. And then, in that same vein, I used to do this Again, no judgment, but I used to post about my ex all the time on Facebook, complaining about him or posting quotes that everybody knew was about him.

Speaker 1: 21:22

Right again, I wouldn't change that now. I had to go through that to get to where I'm in now. But here's the other thing is that when you're putting how you're feeling about him into writing and other people know you're talking about him, you are creating a conscious ritual. This will come back to harm you. If you've already done it, it's okay, we can clear that up. But this is exactly what like. It's hard for me to even go on Facebook because it's a lot of complaining. It's a lot of complaining, it's a lot of blaming, it's people just airing out their dirty laundry.

Speaker 1: 21:58

And something I talk about in the emotional mastery program is I rarely vent to anybody. I will pull up my voice note and vent to myself. And then I get it and then I'm done. And then I immediately look in and say where am I doing this to myself? So, for example, I felt like someone wasn't respecting my boundaries and I was getting really frustrated and annoyed. And I did catch myself complaining to a friend about it. And then I paused and I was like this is a reflection, everything is a reflection. So where am I not respecting my own boundaries, right? So I went through the eight areas of life. Is it this area? No, this area, no, this area. Yep, then I shift that and guess what it resolves with the person, because we are in our own Truman show. I promise you like, once you start living like this, it is wild. So much can shift for you quickly.

Speaker 1: 22:53

But it does take radical responsibility and at first it does feel like a lot of work. But the very first thing you need to do is reset your nervous system, which is the very first part. Then I reprogram your unconscious mind and then you'll have the energy to do this work, because a lot of the women right now are still stuck in fight or flight, right? So they're like I don't want to do any more work, I'm busy and I'm like exhausted. So that's why I always have it's usually the same set of like two or three audios that I have in the beginning of almost all of my programs the nervous system regulation audios, because I want them to calm their system first. I don't want to add anything to them, right?

Speaker 1: 23:38

Like I had a woman reach out the other day who wanted to work with me. She couldn't afford my clean BDE program. But I do not like discount my programs. They've taken me a lot of time and they're already underpriced. Like my mentor is always like you need to raise your prices, um, so what I do. That's why I'm creating these many programs. So if someone can't afford clean BDE, they can at least come into one of these other programs, first to get regulated, then that effect, then that improves all areas of your life.

Speaker 1: 24:10

Do you think you're going to make more money being dysregulated and fight or flight all the time, or do you think you're going to make more money being regulated? If you're regulated, you're able to see opportunities that you wouldn't see if you were in fight or flight, because my favorite example when the bunny is running through the woods away from the fox, it's not seeing the opportunity of carrots on the right to eat. It's not seeing the opportunity of of lying in the sun and the or lying in the grass and in the sun, and all of that. It's just narrow, focused on survival, straight ahead, right. So that's why it's so key to get your nervous system regulated first. So I did.

Speaker 1: 24:51

I had one relationship after my ex and he was like the opposite of my ex. He was so nice, like on the total different spectrum. So I know that I shifted what I needed to shift. He still wasn't my person and we definitely had mismatched values in certain ways, but he was like, not a narcissist at all. Okay, so it's 100% possible to do this.

Speaker 1: 25:16

It does take radical responsibility and and it's not about like saying, oh, now I feel bad. I've been in this group, like I talked to one of my clients who I love and she's become a friend. We talked about this like sometimes working with those kinds of coaches who are, you know, helping you label him, diagnose him. It is a stepping stone to get into this next healing phase. Not everybody will get there right, but my client, my ideal client, has had enough with the labeling, the blaming. It's not working and they want something that will work. Something more higher frequency, right. So my work is higher frequency. I'm not going to be a match for, like younger souls who aren't ready to take radical responsibility that's not their assignment in this lifetime. So I hope that makes sense.

Speaker 1: 26:11

If this resonates with you and you want to join, I will share the link for unbonded in the show notes. And again, just quickly. It's instant access program will be delivered on February 14th. It will cut the emotional energetic ties keeping you and your acts like hooked. It'll rewire your unconscious mind so you stop attracting the same toxic dynamics and it will regulate your nervous system so your body isn't reacting to his name, his face, his memory, that kind of stuff. So it's on presale right now for one 11. After February 14th it's going to go up to full price or you can jump into my membership. You'll get unbonded plus everything else.

Speaker 1: 26:56

I do recommend, though, if you're considering my membership, to come in for more than a month, because otherwise you're just not able to get through. Like honestly, I've thought about just making it only a three month option or more, because people that come in for a month they will see a shift but they're not getting everything. There's like over 65 audios in there and some of it does require you like the emotional mastery piece from a couple months ago. It does require you to do a little bit of work. A lot of the beginning audios and teachings do not require you to do anything but listen, and then you get the monthly intuitive reads with me right Every month. So if you're ready to stop focusing on him and start focusing on you, if you're ready to get him out of your energy, your mind, your emotions, and you're ready to show yourself, your kids, what true healing looks like, then unbonded is honestly like a no-brainer.

Speaker 1: 27:53

Anyway, I hope this was interesting for you. I hope to see you in unbonded is honestly like a no brainer. Anyway, I hope this was interesting for you. I hope to see you in unbonded or any of the other places. If you ever have a question like here's what I'm dealing with what do you recommend? Definitely reach out and I'm happy to point you in the right direction because I want you to have the best experience possible. So, sending you guys so much love, bye. Best experience possible. So sending you guys so much love, bye. Thank you for listening to Unveiled. I always love hearing your takeaways, so please connect with me on Instagram that Angela, marie, christian and feel free to tag me when you share it with your friends. Every single review matters and it helps me reach more people who want to improve this world. If you leave a review, let me know and I'll send you a little thank you gift. Any resources mentioned in the show will be linked in the show notes. Sending you all love.