THE UN/CONVENTIONAL CEO
Society told us who WE SHOULD be. I tried that cookie cutter life...it’s not for me. And if you're here, I'm guessing it's not for you, either.
Welcome to the unconventional / un-ceo podcast where my mission is to help you break free from the matrix, once and for all.
To live a life of freedom, joy, and fulfillment - on your terms.
Unsubscribing from the status quo…because you don’t fit into someone else’s box.
Are you ready?
THE UN/CONVENTIONAL CEO
Rewriting Relationship Patterns: Andrea Crowder's Journey of 'Dating God' & Finding Love
In today's podcast, my fave mentor / coach is joining me: Andrea Crowder.
(Check out our interview from a year ago to get more of a background on her: Listen here.)
Andrea has helped me navigate money & business like no one else...but now she's doing it with relationships, too.
We talk about her "Dating God" experiment...and how that led her to find her love: Keith.
She candidly shares how this experiment not only led her to personal peace but also helped her break free from past relationship patterns.
We also explore the importance of building healthy, platonic relationships with men to foster emotional availability and trust.
The episode concludes with a heartfelt discussion on maintaining harmony in relationships through mutual truth and resonance.
Follow Andrea on IG here.
Resources mentioned:
Inspire his Devotion (get the book here)
Regulate (her signature nervous system program)
WAP (the program that made me neutral about money)
And join Andrea live inside my Clean BDE program on August 27th at 1:30 p.m. (DM me for a $200 discount to Clean BDE).
Join Unveiled - The Club - here.
Get in my new program: Clean BDE here.
Follow me on Instagram here: Angela Marie Christian
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Purchase my best selling book (Manifestation Mastery) here.
Join my newsletter here.
Welcome back to the show. Today. I have Andrea Crowder, my mentor and coach, returning just a little over a year later and if you want to go listen to the first episode where she really goes into her background, I'll link that in the show notes. I highly recommend it. If you aren't familiar with her, it's really cool because our last podcast came out on 7-7. This podcast was recorded on 8-8. I just love numbers.
Speaker 1:Also, what's funny is the first time I interviewed her back in July of 2023, I was so nervous, like I think I had been taking her programs for a little over a year at that point but I don't think I had had like no, I hadn't had our one-on-one. So this was like our first one-on-one interaction the podcast back in July of 2023. And I just remember being so nervous that I almost like was like I should just cancel because I was so nervous and I'm so glad I didn't Fast forward to this episode where it just feels like I'm catching up with like a good friend. She's just the best and she has literally single-handedly helped me shift so much shit over the last two years, like in every area Money, business and now relationships. So today we are talking about her dating god experiment, which she started during our. We had a small container called Known that she was leading us through earlier this year and I think it was also last year and so this was a really beautiful small container that I was in with her and some other women and she shared this experiment of dating God and it ended up leading her to her true love that she's now so happy with. And so we just get into all of that and, as you guys know, I'm on my own journey of leaning into my feminine more and preparing myself for a healthy relationship.
Speaker 1:So I really love this conversation and, just by the way, I had COVID when I was recording this episode with her. So I sound a little off, my voice sounds a little off and I was feeling very loopy and like feverish, but I did not want to cancel because I was really excited for this conversation and I loved that we were recording on 8.8. We even had a little technical difficulties in the beginning, but Sky Daddy helped us out there. So, without further ado, I'll let you listen to our conversation and make sure you listen until the end, because she, as always, has the perfect mic drop piece of advice at the very end of the episode. It's all gold, but you'll know what I mean when you listen. Okay, enjoy, yeah, so I'm so excited to have you back because, as I mentioned, you were on last year seven, seven and today's eight, eight, and it's just funny because we didn't even like plan that you know and on a Lionsgate portal but no fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so in our I'm going to link our last episode in the show notes for the listeners, because in that episode you like dove into your background and all of that. So if they want to know about your background they can go listen to that one. For this one, I'd really love to just like there's so much that evolved for you over the last year, like from dating god to your relationship, and I would love to just like talk about that today. Yay, that makes me really happy. Okay, so I started the dating God experiment after you explained it to us in Known. But for the listeners, I'd love for you to just kind of start at the beginning, like what inspired that, how you thought of that, that, like what that whole beginning piece looked like.
Speaker 2:Wait, this is very exciting and, like before, I just need the tea first, like, okay, I'm sure we'll get into that and you can tell me all the things that have transpired since you started the dating god experiment. But okay, so I had a relationship that ended. It ended really in a very disappointing way, like I had. You know, I really thought that I found my person. I really saw myself like having like a genuine future. I was like you know, he's, I was bringing his daughter into my world and like and that was really tough for me because, you know, he had a young child and my kids are adults, and so I was really afraid of starting over as someone who is influencing another life, essentially like growing up. And so I had just gone through all of this inner work to just be like, okay, I think I can do this.
Speaker 2:And it all just fell apart in the most crazy ways, and I mean like literally and metaphorically, and that I had found myself in a pattern of dating men with pretty severe mental health complications. Mental health complications and like I'm not here to you know, say exactly what was going on for this person. But the experience was is that they were hallucinating and you know, like they would send me pictures of myself and be like how dare you send a picture to me with men in the background? And I'm like, boo, there's one person in that photo and that's me. So it got really scary and I was afraid of continuing to date because I had come out of a marriage with somebody who had extreme PTSD. That was wildly tumultuous my emotional environment. I had spent the last couple of years really creating peace for myself for the first time in my entire fucking adult life. Like you know, same, same child. You know how it goes. Like your, your childhood patterns tend to show up in your adult years as well.
Speaker 2:And I had done all of this inner work on myself and I'm like I know who I am as a person in terms of how I show up in a relationship and my thought was like should attract, like, but that's not working. And you know, I also thought that I had really found that person who was going to show up in that way, because that's how it was presented at first. And as I look back I'm realizing was that entirely true or was it just an improved state from what I had been experiencing? Was it exactly what I had been asking for in relationship, or was it improved enough to where I would accept it. And that was a huge thing that I had to sit with and reflect on and decide what was true for me. But I sat back and I was like, fuck, I'm the common denominator in all of these relationships.
Speaker 2:So, as you know, like one of my favorite mantras is I'm the problem, and I like that for me because if I'm the problem, I'm also the solution. 100% of the time, all the time, I would prefer to believe that I'm the problem because that gives me a sense of control. And I do fully believe with my whole fucking heart that if we focus on the inside, the outside will fall. The inside, our emotional state, our spiritual state, all of that stuff the outside will follow suit. It's universal law. It has to. So I'm like I believe so deeply in this universal law and I've seen it play out in my finances, in my business, and it's worked flawlessly in how I understand the principle, and yet it hadn't been working that way in my relationship.
Speaker 2:So I went to work and it's actually I had no idea what you actually wanted to talk about on today's podcast. So it's funny that you're interviewing me on 8-8, because 8-8-2023 is when I set my intention for my partner and I wrote it out. This is the exact list of either, the non-negotiables, of what I wanted in partnership, but I had kind of forgotten because this partner had checked so many of them but not all of them, in fact. I remember telling him about this list and I was like do you want to see it? It's quite remarkable how many you check off. And he's like, no, I don't want to be a list. And I was like, oh shit, I'm so sorry. That's like definitely not what I meant. He really responded kind of poorly to it, which surprised me when things ended again, like had forgotten all about the list and was like, okay, I'm going to do what I know how to do, which is continue to heal myself, continue to look for, like where is there? Where was their matches? Where were their lessons? Where were their gifts in all of this and I remember listening to this podcast with my now mentor, oren was he was talking about in his relationship with his partner actually, his partner, chelsea, was talking and fumbling, because I'm like literally trying to remember all of these details for you right now.
Speaker 2:I'm like what was the sequential order of the miracle that has happened in my life in the last year, but I remember listening to them both being interviewed, and Chelsea, his partner, said I had to ask myself what are my belief systems about men and why do they? Why do I want them to be true? And that hit me like a ton of bricks and I started writing down my belief systems and the things that came out. Some of them I already knew, because I had created positive belief systems about men, and some of them really surprised me.
Speaker 2:And the two that surprised me the most were safe men exist, but they don't exist for me. Me and men will always men will disappoint me. Yeah, so I. And then I had to write down why I wanted them to be true, and I realized I wanted them to be true so that I could prove to myself that the little girl who hadn't been protected as a child will be protected by me. It was like I was fighting for her, to show her at an unconscious level that I couldn't have described. Then I will have your back. I've got you. And yet, putting myself into dangerous situations to prove to myself that I would protect myself and get myself out, I was just like I love for the love.
Speaker 2:And that brings me to dating God. So I was committed to this guy, tried to come back up and he's like I've been in therapy, I've been doing healing and I was like, okay, maybe there's a chance. So I started just having conversations with him, realized that nothing had been changed. His therapy was essentially like self-therapy. He was reading books and I'm like this is not what you need. And he said something to me. I can't remember what it was, but I remember just felt disappointed again, like massive disappointment, and I was just like, oh, fucking course. And I let myself just numb out a little bit. I jumped onto Instagram. I was just flipping through stories to kind of just give myself a sense of like, just moving past and ignoring him. And I saw my friend, catherine Zanchina, post about this book and I was like what's this book? I clicked on it and it wasn't even that book. It was, I think, something by the same author or he was a recommended author.
Speaker 2:But the next book that came up that somehow my fingers clicked on and bought before I even really knew what it was. It was like one of those things where you're in motion, you don't know why and things are just occurring. And it was this book called Inspire His Devotion, and it wasn't about inspiring this guy's devotion, it was just. It was about masculine and feminine energy was something that I was familiar with, but hilarity was something that I wanted to dive deeper into. So I bought this book, and I think I even bought the Kindle and the physical. No, I just bought the Kindle.
Speaker 2:So I start reading this book and it's blowing my mind. I'm like, yes, this sounds amazing. It's like, from an instinctual perspective, before language, the caveman and the cavewoman had to use instincts in order to be in relationship, in order to create lineage. So he's like explaining masculine and feminine attraction and energy and instincts in how they're designed to be, without needing language to explain them. And I'm like, okay, I like this point of view because there's no meanings attached. Right, it's just how we're designed and programmed and all of it's amazing. He's like the caveman is dedicated to the cave woman and keeping her nervous system regulated, and I'm like I've never had a man that wanted to keep my nervous system regulated. You know, I was already hooked from like chapter one and he said something akin to like if he comes back to the cave after like hunting and gathering and and cave woman needs her feet rubbed. He's inclined to rub her feet and I'm like, yeah, right, but sure I'll put that on my list, right, sounds amazing.
Speaker 2:And I'm reading this book and then it gets to chapter four or five and chapter I think it's chapter five he says and he starts talking about and cave woman asks for permission, waiting for leadership, and and he's like, if she wants a cup of coffee, my wife asks me, can I have a cup of coffee? And I'm like the fuck, that sounds like tyranny. Now I hate the book because I'm triggered, right, because my version of a man leading me in that way would have to control me and I'm not safe, right. And so I paused for a second and I was like, in about a single sentence I had forgotten the previous four chapters where he's and he literally prefaced it by saying don't forget what I already said about caveman's devotion to cavewoman, which my heart like activated something deep within me and I was like, okay, so I'm severely triggered.
Speaker 2:But I'm thinking I'm severely triggered because of what had been my experience with men, and my experience with men didn't know or understand that level of devotion, didn't even believe it was possible and, like this sounds utopic, it's something that you see people make up on Instagram posts but, like you know, they're fighting in the background. And so I was like let me not just throw this book away because I feel like I have gotten value out of it. I understand the instinctual perspective because I'm a studier of the unconscious, and so let me just try practicing this level of femininity with leadership. But the only way I could imagine doing it was with an egoless being. So I'm on the phone texting I think I'm either voice memorandum or on the phone with my friend Mahak and I was just like she's upset and triggered too. We're both on chapter five and I'm like are you okay? We need to send his wife a message, tell her like, wave a flag If you need us to come save you. We're like thinking that she's in this like abusive relationship now, and then I was like hold on, hold on, hold on.
Speaker 2:We both forgot the first four chapters. I was like could you imagine if you and I were dating an egoless being, if we were dating God and God didn't need to be right or wrong and God didn't need to be in power, god just was power. And God source universe, deeply, deeply cares about my overall well-being. Could I imagine then saying God leave me, should I have a cup of coffee? And he also mentioned like you know, if I tell my wife to go pack my suitcase, she goes and packs my suitcase. And I'm like couldn't imagine having done that for any of my exes. But I was like. I told her. I was like you know, god said go pack my suitcase. I would be like, well, god's on his way to go put a million dollars in my bank account, so I would fucking frolic to go pack the suitcase for God, right? So I told her I was like what if we practice? Because neither of us were in relationships. I was like what if we just practice being in relationship with God and let God lead us? We'll ask for leadership, we'll follow that divine leadership and we'll say we depend on God for protection, provisions and penetration of the heart. And so the heart will input, like, our heart will be penetrated with ideas that will that we will bring to life on God's behalf. And so, and so I was like, could we practice it this way? And she's like, yes, let's practice it this way.
Speaker 2:So we did, and strange things started happening Like we would so we call God sky daddy, or daddy, for sure and we would sit at a restaurant and she would have me order for the table and I wouldn't order mashed potatoes. And she would be like sky daddy, don't forget the mashed potatoes, I need mashed potatoes. And all of a sudden the waiter comes out and he's like, setting mashed potatoes on the on the table and I table, and I'm like, no, no, we didn't order those. And she just starts cracking up and she's like I asked daddy. I was like, oh, of course you did. So we've been playing this experiment since like February or March. And do you want me to like, do you? I'm just gonna stop right there. This is where this is where the experiment started, and then I want to hear what you have to say, and then I'll I'll share the happy ending.
Speaker 1:No, I love that and it's so funny because I've heard you say that piece before about the coffee, and I've had so many dreams where there's a man in my dream and I'm like asking him if I can have coffee, but it's like done in a playful way and I think that was like my mind getting on board with it, like kind of like in a flirty way, like can I have? Can I have some coffee? And like you know what I mean. And so I just love this whole experiment and it actually has put me like deep into the rabbit hole of polarity and all of that I've had.
Speaker 1:I had Joshua Winter on my podcast about it, and then I had John Gray on my podcast, and now you, because it's something I've been in my masculine for so long as like a single mom and just like you know, very, very much masculine, so I'm trying to learn how to be in my feminine and you have done such a beautiful job of like doing this for us first. So we have that example, you know, and now you're in this beautiful relationship. So, yeah, from there I would love to hear like how long the experiment went on. I think you were on Hinge and I remember you saying like if you want to see where you're at, go see who you're matched to on Hinge, like to see the waters, basically, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I use that as like a feminine thermometer, feminine energy thermometer. I was, honestly, I want to say it was maybe only 10 days when I started dating God before I met Keith, but I didn't know that I met the one right Like, in fact, I was just reading old messages between me and my numerologist, harriet Jackson, and I was reading the text where I was like he's certainly not the one. I don't want to disappoint this guy. I was so into denial that it was even possible that I could have met the one. But it was little things. Like when I started dating God, I was like the only thing I can't get God to do for me is lock my doors, but I'm just going to ask God to protect me anyway. And they've meant that I forget because I was in a marriage for 20 years and that was one thing I always depended on him for and I've been terrible at as a single woman. So every once in a while I would forget to like lock the doors and I'm just like, dear daddy, when I forget, please keep like a shield of protection over my home, over my babies, like I'm just a girl, I'm trying so hard to be good at this.
Speaker 2:And then Keith had been at my house one night. He was leaving and I was like falling asleep and he's like I got to go home. And I was like, okay, I'll get up. And he's like, don't get up. And he left my room and he went around and he locked all of my doors for me and I was like, so that was the first. I'm like okay, interesting, right.
Speaker 2:And then he, he moped and we were having dinner. I ordered, I ordered us some pasta and we sat out on my patio and we're having like the most beautiful night. And he looks at me and he's like, he's like, would you feed me, girl? The way I was like triggered. I don't even know if he even knows this. I probably should tell him.
Speaker 2:But I had to breathe through it because I'm like this man has been so devoted to my wellness in the smallest and biggest ways from the time that I met him and the way that it was described in the book, and I'm like, wow, okay, but still not fully believing that this. I'm like this is fun for probably a little while, like I don't want to disappoint him later on, still struggling within myself because I was afraid you know you, when you've been so deeply hurt by men. It it takes time and luckily he's been so wonderful and so patient and from his perspective he would say, like I was just wide open from the time that he met me and that was truly because with every decision I was fully breathing through it. So when he's like, would you feed me, I remembered the comment about like asking for coffee, or him or him saying like would you go pack my suitcase, and I'm like this is my opportunity to prove to myself that devotion can go two ways and that I can do this and that I could do this with love.
Speaker 2:And by the end of it I actually really enjoyed it, but for the first like half of it I was just like you could feed yourself. It was a holy training of me believing that a man could ask me that in order for him to receive my nurture but not to control me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it was so beautiful and so special. And now I love to feed him. I don't do it all the time, but every once in a while I'll just sit there and, like you know, I'll feed him ice cream or whatever. And and the way that we, like fight for who can do the most for each other, you know like we're so committed to each other's like, to each other's pleasure, to each other's like, to each other's pleasure, to each other's wellness, to each other's love. And last night he or maybe two nights ago, he was like we just celebrated his daughter's birthday and she had a cookie cake. And I'm like where's the cookie cake? I, I didn't get a cookie when we went out for a salad because I thought I was coming home to a cookie. And he's like no, I told you, I got rid of all of that. And he looks at me and he goes I'm going to make you a celery juice instead.
Speaker 2:And I'm like celery juice, I just told you I wanted a cookie and hopefully you can't hear the dog in the background. No, I can't. Great, it seems amazing. And he looks at me with the most love in his eyes and he said let me lead us. I'm taking care of our health right now. And I looked at him and I was like you are going to get to later on, it was like yes, lead us, make me celery juice.
Speaker 2:I've never been so happy to drink celery juice in my entire life, because he was seeing like me as a whole person, knowing like my overall goals for myself are to be of like high energy and to feel well, and he's like he's not trying to take my cookie away. He's trying to make sure that, like, I'm in alignment with the things that I say, that I truly want, and he did it with such devotion and love to like my heart and my body and I was just like that book is not a lie. That's like you'd really do exist on this world. And and surrendering to his leadership, I've never done this in any relationship at this level of capacity, because nobody has been ever, ever, able to give me uh, it's the trust, right, like you, a man has to be pure to his bones and truly be in complete devotion to you. But he would even say, in fact, we're doing a podcast interview with my astrologist, who you know, yeah, after this, and she's interviewing the two of us, and he would even say I've never been in been in devotion to a woman in the way that I'm in devotion to you.
Speaker 2:And I've asked him before why do you think that's true? And we both dissect it. We love masculine and feminine energy. He's well studied in it and he's like it is like the way that you are in your feminine. It debates even more of my masculine Like never have I wanted to like protect someone to the ends of the earth in the way that I want to protect and care for and provide for you. But part of that was activated in my work and me being in my feminine energy through creating that level of trust with the dating God experiment.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, so that was one of my questions is if he was trained in this, because I feel like there's I don't know, maybe this is a limiting belief, but I feel like there's not a lot of men who are, or maybe that I just have an experience that are trained in the masculine and feminine.
Speaker 2:I don't know if that has to be true. You know I've spoken to you know I had someone on my podcast not that long ago and she was talking about how she had met her partner overseas and their culture. There is very much in like devotion to their women, but I don't believe that he was previously trained in masculine and feminine energy. I like the idea that they I mean, look, I live in Southern Florida where it is fuckboy central. They're fine, but they're fuckboys, yeah, but did I believe that a keith existed in southern florida? Nope, I was like they're not here, I'm gonna have to travel, I'm gonna have to move. You know, like I, that was my core belief and he was just down the road. So I really believe that we have, like our intended partnership.
Speaker 2:Who's a match for us? Number one, if we hold the standard and we do not accept anything less than, like I said, the past guy was was pretty close and many regards, but it was just an improved state from what I had said that I wanted when I was like, okay, I'm not willing to accept this as a reality for myself. And I looked at my list after I met Keith and I'm like you check every box, not a single box is empty. So, as that, me being a Virgo with high standards, yes, but do I want everybody else to tap into their virgo energy wherever it exists within their chart and have that high standard for love too? Yes, girl, hold the standard, because the masculine has to rise. If we, if we stay in our feminine I, I do believe that, like they are waiting for us to, to say in a non-negotiable way of like, I'll be over here, loving on God until a man is worthy of this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, no, totally, and yeah, we have the same birthday, so I have that high standard too. And something that you said earlier about expecting disappointment, so that's something that I realized I also have, and I know I mentioned it, no, and there was a guy I was talking to in a different country. He was going through a separation and then it turned out five months later he wasn't actually going through a separation, he was actually very married. We never met in person or anything, it was just, you know, talking, but then I found myself like I had went in expecting disappointment and then it happened. So like what would you maybe say to me or to other listeners, like what really helped you get through that and I know you mentioned Oren helped you? Is there anything else that helped?
Speaker 2:Well, I started looking for evidence as to where that wasn't true, because is it true that men disappoint me or is it true that three men named blah blah blah disappointed me in a world full of billions of people? Right, it was that blanket statement that was recreating the reality. And when I separated men from this person's name and this person's name and this person's name, then I could see and look for evidence in where that wasn't true. And one of my practices that had been given to me was that I would start to practice being in relationship, platonically, with a man who could give me the example of what it was that I was looking for. So, from a practical perspective, I was like, okay, I'm in relationship with Oren because he's my mentor, so that was one, so you could like hire a therapist that has like integrity and that you could just be like, okay, let me work on this dialogue, let me work on my communication skills. But then I had like a personal friend, my friend Josh, where I was just like, okay, what do I know about my relationship with Josh? And like how I trust him and like can I lean on him? I had my friend Marcelo, who was like a great conversationalist and we were able to just practice me being, like, more emotionally available, like I wouldn't. I would let men help me in that, you know. I would let them carry my groceries or you know stuff like that. But if I were having an emotional day, would I cry in front of a man? Fuck, no, so that was.
Speaker 2:You know, that was my assignment last July, where I was like I have this wall on my heart where, even if, like, if Keith had shown up then, I wasn't ready for him. He couldn't have shown up a second before he did. We would have been a match right, even though I was thinking that I was, because how I show up in relationships and how I give in relationships I felt was something that I was happy with. How I received in relationships was not, was not what would have been a standard of his. He would have been like, no, I'm, I'm here to see you broken down in like the best way possible.
Speaker 2:You know, I had some really disappointing experiences with somebody in my life that I had really considered a father and it really shook me and we were, you know, going through our normal day. He was just trying to love on me and I looked at him. I can't remember what preceded it, but I just looked at him and I like burst into tears and he just held me and he's like I've been waiting for this, I knew it was coming and he just like held me through like the sadness and the grief that was just coming up of of you know, disappointment. But it was interesting because I didn't need for that statement to be true about men anymore. It was only true about the man.
Speaker 2:So, that work had, was it was beautiful, and that I got to see that that work was really complete for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that makes total sense. And, looking back, I do appreciate this one piece about the guy that I was speaking to, because he did have the masculine energy in that he would say, like let me lead the communication. Well, now I know why. Let me lead communication, what was it like? Not style, but like the communication back and forth. And then he was a good listener and I was kind of practicing dating God at the same time as letting him kind of lead in certain ways, and so that makes sense to just find platonic men to have these different pieces with. So that's really helpful, you know.
Speaker 2:I also told you guys because you were in the mastermind container with me but doing the emotion code heart wall exercise, I would say, was pretty transformational for me. I believe that it got a lot of work done in a little bit of time. It was rough. I can't pretend that it wasn't rough, but it definitely felt like I was grieving decades of emotions in about a week that was. It was a pretty intense like detox period so like.
Speaker 2:But, having said that, not everybody's experiences like that, that was just mine. And but I'm glad that I did it because it was one of those things where it's like okay, this was really tough for a week, but it really positioned me to to feel like open and soft, like I've never I told Keith this the other day I'm like I've never even felt my own heart and the way that I feel my heart now with you in it, like not because of his love but because of how he's expanded me to even feel myself so. But I do believe, like the, the heart wall sessions that I did using emotion code was 10 out of 10. I I think I've given you that link before of the person that I use, but I'm happy to share that again of the, the therapist or the facilitator that I, that I'm in love with.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll definitely link that in the show notes. And then, yeah, I loved your and Keith's episode together on Legends. My last question would just be around like he learned how to work with your menstrual cycles, which I love. I've never had anyone do that and I'm just wondering if you could speak to how maybe that's improved your relationship or like what that looks like maybe that's improved your relationship or like what that looks like.
Speaker 2:No, I think that was another one of those layers that needed to come off of me, which was like something came up for me in the last month or so, and that was I've been known as the person that always had it together my whole life for most burgos right, and to let someone see me in my truth, even when my truth is messy and doesn't have it together. That's been a great life lesson and a challenge for me, even with some of my closest friends. And when that was reflected back to me through my work with Orin, I was like, oh my God, you're right, like I realized, like I'm holding back truth from people that I love and care about, and Oren helped me see that out of all of my values, one of my greatest and highest is the value of harmony and harmony in relationships, and I would have called that peace before, but I like harmony better. Harmony is our intention and our standard is to have a relationship based in truth and resonance with each other, and if there's a fracture in truth and resonance, the intention is that we repair the fracture right away, we don't leave it. So aggression and or avoidance has no place. And also right versus wrong has no place. It's out of the frequency of harmony. So when there's conflict, in most relationships it's like who was right and who's wrong. That only perpetuates more conflict and not harmony.
Speaker 2:And so I was like, in order for me to restore, there had been a fracture in a personal relationship, a platonic relationship of mine, and I was like, okay if I brought my truth into this. My truth is, I absolutely love this person and there's been a fracture in the harmony and the relationship and my intention is to restore it and let me see if this person is interested in co-creating that with me. And I could have gone to that person and been like you did this, you did this and you did this. How are we going to fix it? But that person already fucking knew what they did right. And when we do that, all we do is like it's just another, like well, you're right and I'm wrong, and like you know how sometimes people just get mad for the sake of you reminding them that they had fucked up right. And when I had this conversation with my friend, it was like I already know and also I agree. I want harmony too and I want to co-create this, to get there, and it was so interesting how it was the easiest hard conversation that I've ever had in my entire life.
Speaker 2:And you know, with with Keith, what I realized was the same thing within my friends, like when I was having a bad day or when I was feeling edgy. You know, when you're like just before your period, it almost feels like there's knives cutting through your hormones and you're just like sitting there trying to have a smile on your face and be the normal person that you are, and you're just like everything feels like sharpness inside of my body. And then sometimes you say something and the tonality in your voice comes off and sharp and you're just like, yeah, and basically what keith was trying to tell me is I actually want to love you through that too, if you just give me a chance, if you just bring your truth. And the thing with us is like we're so intuitive with each other's energy that like we can't get away with hiding our truth because the other person feels it or knows it immediately. So we're always like what are you hiding from me?
Speaker 2:But the way that he came in and he's just like I feel like I'm not getting your truth right now. He wasn't using those exact words, but he's like, whatever it is, I want to love it. And so for him to start to understand, at first he was taking it personally, thinking like she's maybe she's like not that into me, cause, you know, it's the beginning of a relationship. He hadn't figured out my period cycles yet and I'm just over here like this isn't about you right now, fucking, fuck off, kind of you know, yeah, I'm not making this about you, I'm just like trying to feel okay in my body right now, right. And so he's triggered and I'm triggered and we found ourselves tiptoeing around each other to where it had become.
Speaker 2:It wasn't our normal relationship that we were used to and we both started freaking out. We're like gosh, we normally have this like sense of cohesiveness, and oran had said something to me. He goes when there's carefulness, carefulness is at the expense of truth, presence and intuition. And I was like, fuck. We were tiptoeing around each other as to not step on each other's triggers, which was perpetuating more carefulness, which was perpetuating more fractures and harmony. And Oren was like if your intention is harmony and you're both in agreement, this is where we're headed and it's powered by your heart, love and truth. Everything else in the middle can coexist, including your mess, andrea.
Speaker 2:And I just wanted to burst into tears because I'm like I've never been loved for my mess. You know, like, I'm always the person that's like here's where we're going, follow me, yeah. And here's this man who's like I just don't want to guess what's your truth like. I just don't want to guess what's your truth. And I showed that to him and he's like oh, now I understand. And he's like so help me to understand more. What are the other phases? What are the? And he's like okay.
Speaker 2:So last week we were in the fuck me phase ovulation. This week we're in the forget me phase luteal phase. Next week we're in the period me phase luteal phase. Next week we're in the period phase feed me phase. And then the fourth week, you're in the fuck it, I'm back back to me phase. And I was like oh, my god. Nobody's ever explained that so succinctly. He's like okay, got it. And literally that's how we've existed since then. He's like what phase are we in? So when I get to my like, I'm back to me phase, this this last week he hugged me for a really long time. He's like there phase are we in? So when I get to my like, I'm back to me phase this this last week he hugged me for a really long time. He's like there you are oh.
Speaker 1:I love that. It's like that must feel so good to just be so seen and understood from that perspective, like that.
Speaker 2:Just it's amazing and you know, coming from the person where, like I want to see and understand him too. Like none of us are perfect and 10 out of 10 you know amazing, happy humans all the time. And he said he said a prayer before you know he started dating and that's that he's like. I just want to find somebody that can, like, accept and love all of me because he, he, has very unclear vision. He lost his sight completely when he was younger and restored some of it. But love all of me because he, he, has very unclear vision. He lost his sight completely when he was younger and restored some of it, but not all of it. So like if, when he sees me clearly, he's like three inches from my face, so he's like partially blind, and he gets really close and then he'll tell me he's like you're so beautiful. And then I'm like I believe you when he's far away and I'm like you can't see me, you don't even know my beautiful right now. But he, he told me the other day he's like I. I really knew that I was falling in love with you when I told you about my eyesight, because he was at my house and he had to stand up to go look at the TV menu, because we were on Spotify trying to like find songs that we liked. And he's like there's something that you should know about me. Like I have to use binoculars to see the TV menu from my bed and I'm like what? This is amazing.
Speaker 2:I love weird shit like that about people. I find it the most endearing and charming. And like people's quirks like do not come to me and be a perfect human. I'm so bored by you, like be weird. And and he, he comes to me and he's like uh or no, he had gone home and he I was like half asleep on the phone with him and he's talking to me. He's like I'm gonna go upstairs now and I was like you're going to your bedroom and he's like yeah, and I was like show me the binoculars. And he's like you are the weirdest. But it was probably one of the most like touching moments of our relationship for him of like she is completely and utterly in love and even more obsessed with me because of this thing that, like anybody else might be like oh, that's. You're like partially blind, like maybe I can't be in a relationship with you, you know. So I've been able to talk to each other that's adorable.
Speaker 1:I love that and I'm just so happy for you and it's so nice to see you in this space, because me, you know, and a lot of others look to you like as our guide in business. But then now it's also like I can look at you as like a few steps ahead of me, or maybe more, in love life too. So, yeah, it's just a beautiful thing to witness.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. You know, I've been in a identity restructuring of like my business and and where I'm going and who I am and what I really want to be known for. And the business stuff has like served me so well and I love it and there'll always be some component of that, but the things that I'm like the absolute best at it's it's this shit. I told my team and I'm like my team today. I'm like I'm like we're in our soft but super human girl era, like circa 2022.
Speaker 2:Andrea, she was in her villain area of proving like I'm back. Men can't control me. I'm about to fuck shit up. I'm about to make the most money I ever made and I did that and it served me, but like I can't even access her anymore because it's not the most powerful side of myself. It was more powerful than I had been feeling, but it's not the most powerful version of me and it's like me disassembling these old parts that keep me weak and unavailable to the most remarkable things of life.
Speaker 2:Like this is where I'm the most gifted. It's like negotiating or or reprogramming the unconscious, and like what we're, what we're available for, and like what I truly want to be known for is is our relationship with anything, whether it's our relationship with men, our relationship with ourself, our relationship with money, our relationship it could be business, but like it's it's more business, but like it's it's more holistic, and like breathing aliveness in people, like that's the thing that I'm the most, most passionate about. And right now, all I can think about and talk about is relationships. My new role has just told me, like right after I met him, she's like when are you going to start teaching on relationships? But she, she didn't know. Keith was Keith, you know, like it was just a guy that I had been on a couple of dates with. But she, she didn't know Keith was Keith, you know, like it was just a guy that I'd been on a couple of dates with, but she's like it's in your chart, it's coming.
Speaker 1:So it's coming. Yeah, I know, I was just going to ask you. Ok, so when's the relationship course?
Speaker 2:Whenever it comes, I don't know. You know how I am.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love this. This has made my day come through. Oh, I love this, this has made my day. Is there anything else that you would share as we wrap up, like any other, like book recommendations or anything where someone is just kind of starting this journey?
Speaker 2:I mean definitely read, inspire His Devotion, but read it through the lens of like. If I were to look at this scientifically ocean, but read it through the lens of like, if I were to look at this scientifically and if I do feel triggered, ask myself why am I triggered? Because this couldn't be, this couldn't be for me. It's not right. I don't believe it. Like to each their own.
Speaker 2:But I was so glad that I was willing to question the reason that I wanted to run from it and make sure that it was my truth and not my pain guiding me. I think like when it comes down to it, I'm always looking to make decisions through the lens of love, not fear, and that was. I'm so glad that I had the wisdom to just pause and be like why do I feel this way and is that true? And that, just like that moment of self-reflection to make sure that I stay aligned with truth, with each component of you know me, figuring out who I am in relationships and what I'm available for was absolutely crucial to me. Being in relationship with Sorry guys, I do have the best, but I'm sure there's men who are almost as great as mine somewhere worried, I would do believe that completely actually oh well, thank you so much for sharing all of this.
Speaker 1:And yeah, it's just, it's such a great thing to be able to see someone else because, as you've said, like when we see someone else having it, then it means it's available to us too.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I tell Keith all the time I'm like you're not perfect, but you are absolutely perfect for me and that is what I do believe with my whole heart is like there is someone out there that is absolutely perfect for you and for your needs. Not everyone wants to be weird like us, where we do breath, work together and we're like let's see if we can like meditate into the little universes together. That's not everyone's cup of tea, but there is someone out there who is perfect for you and I liked the idea that it was my opportunity to grow into them and they were just waiting for me to do that. And that was actually my truth. I told my friends that, like a year, year and a half ago, I'm like what if? All this time I've been waiting for a man to like grow into where I'm at, to be able to hold capacity for me? But what if the truth is is that I actually need to grow into him? And that's exactly what happened.
Speaker 1:Yes, that just gave me like full body chills, that like just changed my entire mindset. So thank you.
Speaker 2:You're welcome.
Speaker 1:Wasn't that an amazing episode. I love her. She always like does the mic drop at the at the very end. I am going to link her Instagram, her website, in the show notes. I will also link the two programs of hers. I mean they've all been life-changing, but the two to start with would be Regulate that's a whole nervous system regulation program. And then the other one is WAP, which right now she's actually doing a promotion where you can actually get on a live call with her. It's usually just a pre-recorded program, which was super powerful. That's how I took it, but she's doing a special live component. I'll link those in the show notes, as well as the book she mentioned. And then also for any of you who are in my clean baby daddy energy program, or if you're not and you would like to be, she is actually coming in to my program for a special call. It was a bonus for everybody that joined the first round, which is still open until I'm done with the audios. I am almost done, though. So if this interests you, she'll be joining us at the end of August. I am so excited for that.
Speaker 1:I will share a link in the show notes to the Clean BDE program as well. This will only be if people sign up, though, in August 2024, because our live call with Andrea is scheduled August 27th at 1 30 pm PST. So that will only be available for people who join this first round, which is just about to be closed. The price has gone up, but if you are listening to this on my podcast, just DM me. You'll get in for the regular price, which was $7.99. It has now gone up to $9.99., but if you're listening, I will give you $200 off and you'll get to join us for the live call with Andrea. So thank you so much for listening.